you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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