I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
