Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
