There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
