so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
