Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
