My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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