I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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