just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In other news, I just burned my penis
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
