He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
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Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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