There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
