Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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