just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
