Im at strip club and am horny
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
