I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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