I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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