I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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