The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
