All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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