At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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