Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
