just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
