If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
