im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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