Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
