he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
