a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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