well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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