im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
