Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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