I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
