She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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