I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
