We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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