The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she peed on how many people?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize