Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
