you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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