you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
