woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
