I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We were destined to go to rehab together
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We are all done wearing pants today
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
