now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
