We're like a lot better than the average bears
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
