I'm drive I can fine osifer
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
