The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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