This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
