Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
