you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
