This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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