If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
