I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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