You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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