she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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