The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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