saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
