I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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