Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
