I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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