Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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