My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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