my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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